public service
Oct. 16th, 2002 08:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cpostropheAfter sitting through Q&A sessions for David Sedaris and Irvine Welsh, I do feel compelled to ask all touring authors to do us a favor and distribute a FAQ at each of their appearances, to head off the usual collection of banal queries from the rookies in the audience. Please feel free to use the following as a template and customize any of the answers provided.
Q: what advice can you give to new and struggling writers?
"Altogether now. . . Write what you know. Do research in what you don't know. Keep at it. Expect a lot of rejections. It's mostly sweat and only a little inspiration. Don't get discouraged."
"Buy drugs, hold up a small grocery store and get mixed in with some mobsters. Seduce the mates of public officials who own houses in the back country and have demented families with histories of incest, cross-dressing, and slave ownership. Hang on to successful yuppies and trust fund kids who shop compulsively and are never happy. Write it all down. Remember to change the names."
"Get out now while you can."
Q: how much of your fiction/work is autobiographical?
(note: if you are David Sedaris, Dave Barry or Michael Moore, feel free to call the individual a moron and drag him up to the podium for a public stoning If you are Irvine Welsh, feel free to shoot up in front of the audience because you know that's what they want to see.)
"While one should always start with what they know, ideas have an ability to take lives of their own. Sometimes, even fiction that is only mildly based on certain important facts portrays a greater truth than reality itself."
"refer to my advice about buying drugs."
"I am lying to you right now."
Q: what are you reading now? are there any authors you recommend?Because I am lost without Oprah
"A little bit of everything really. Some fiction, some non-fiction. Some of my friends in the industry (namedrop here) and also some classics. Those old people have some good ideas too."
"Terms of my current contract with (publisher) only allow me to plug authors in their current publication pipeline. With that, I would like to heartily recommend (insert press release here)"
"I really do read Playboy for the articles."
Q: what advice can you give to new and struggling writers?
"Altogether now. . . Write what you know. Do research in what you don't know. Keep at it. Expect a lot of rejections. It's mostly sweat and only a little inspiration. Don't get discouraged."
"Buy drugs, hold up a small grocery store and get mixed in with some mobsters. Seduce the mates of public officials who own houses in the back country and have demented families with histories of incest, cross-dressing, and slave ownership. Hang on to successful yuppies and trust fund kids who shop compulsively and are never happy. Write it all down. Remember to change the names."
"Get out now while you can."
Q: how much of your fiction/work is autobiographical?
(note: if you are David Sedaris, Dave Barry or Michael Moore, feel free to call the individual a moron and drag him up to the podium for a public stoning If you are Irvine Welsh, feel free to shoot up in front of the audience because you know that's what they want to see.)
"While one should always start with what they know, ideas have an ability to take lives of their own. Sometimes, even fiction that is only mildly based on certain important facts portrays a greater truth than reality itself."
"refer to my advice about buying drugs."
"I am lying to you right now."
Q: what are you reading now? are there any authors you recommend?
"A little bit of everything really. Some fiction, some non-fiction. Some of my friends in the industry (namedrop here) and also some classics. Those old people have some good ideas too."
"Terms of my current contract with (publisher) only allow me to plug authors in their current publication pipeline. With that, I would like to heartily recommend (insert press release here)"
"I really do read Playboy for the articles."
